The Great Couch Shark

Freeman, Eastwood tortured in Cape Town


Written by Nick Gordon (The Great Couch Shark)

Posted in :Original Content on 2 Mar 2009 at 10:23
Tagged with : ,

In what has been described as ‘sheer torture’, Hollywood heavyweights, Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood were forced to watch yet another Stormers’ game at Newlands. The duo are here shooting ‘the Human Factor’ based on the triumph of the 95 Rugby World Cup.

Freeman who has looked over seventy years’ old for the last thirty years appeared even more aged and frail at the sound of the hooter, yet quietly defiant. “It’s been good training for the role of Madiba,” explains Freeman “because watching one Stormers’ game feels like 26 years in prison.”
Eastwood was less amicable. “I thought we were watching some kind of drunk basketball game, until someone pointed out it was actually rugby. I was shocked. This isn’t what I bought into.”

Captain of the Stormers, Jean-Boy De Villersen defended his teams’ performance. “It’s true that we don’t handle pressure very well as a team, but when the guys found out that two celebrities were watching us, they just went completely to pieces.” De Villiersen was forced to intervene in a half time changeroom squabble. “Ja, some of the guys found out that they were going to be used as movie extras and then some of the other guys got jealous. They started pulling each others’ hair. Calling each other nasty names. Hair gel was flying everywhere. It was bad.”

In what is proving to be more a mis-education about the game of rugby, the Hollywood duo would be better off watching the Bulls in Pretoria, because at least the Bulls can string a few decent phases together. “We actually tried to get them into Loftus,” says one PR agent, “but Morgan wasn’t allowed into a suite.”

Shooting is well underway on the film with Matt Damon yet to join up with the cast in Cape Town. Eastwood is confident that the 5”5 brown-haired Bourne actor can pull of the role of Francois Pienaar. “His agent has sent him a few tapes to study, thankfully no Stormers’ games, and he’s been trying to wear white shorts around his nipples. Other than that and posing with a packet of chips, he’s doing nicely.”

In another news Rijk Neethling is suing Eastwood after apparently being ‘promised’ the role of the iconic blonde flanker.



28 Comments

  • :lol:

    Funny …

    I see our friend Piet Pienaar is quiet these days.
    I expected him to be quite vocal about the Bulls winning 3 from 3…

  • Comment 1, posted at 02.03.09 10:37:26 by blackshark Reply
    blackshark - I'm back!Super Rugby player
     
  • they also wanted to experience ellis park, but they spent the whole day getting actors out the coke dens surrounding the stadium that they missed the game. :twisted: :twisted: good piece.

  • Comment 2, posted at 02.03.09 10:43:40 by try time Reply
    Super Rugby player
     
  • :lol:

  • Comment 3, posted at 02.03.09 10:44:27 by KSA Shark © Reply
    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • :lol: :grin:

  • Comment 4, posted at 02.03.09 11:02:24 by Salmonoid Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Salmonoid the SubtleAssistant coach
     
  • :mrgreen: :twisted: :shock:

  • Comment 5, posted at 02.03.09 11:13:24 by robdylan Reply
    Competition Winner Administrator
    robdylanHead Coach
     
  • Here’s how the bookies rate the teams:

    New Zealand: 1 Sharks; 2 Hurricanes; 3 Crusaders and Waratahs; 5 Bulls; 6 Blues; 7 Brumbies; 8 Western Force; 9 Stormers; 10 Chiefs; 11 Reds; 12 Highlanders; 13 Lions; 14 Cheetahs.

    South Africa: 1 Sharks; 2 Crusaders and Hurricanes; 4 Waratahs; 5 Bulls; 6 Blues; 7 Brumbies; 8 Stormers and Western Force; 10 Chiefs; 11 Reds; 12 Cheetahs, Highlanders and Lions.

    Australia: 1 Sharks; 2 Blues; 3 Hurricanes and Waratahs; 5 Crusaders; 6 Bulls; 7 Brumbies; 8 Force and Stormers; 10 Chiefs; 11 Reds; 12 Lions; 13 Highlanders; 14 Cheetahs.

  • Comment 6, posted at 02.03.09 14:34:11 by McLovin Reply

    McLovinAssistant coach
     
  • @McLovin (Comment 6) : funny that… all of a sudden, everyone’s backing the Sharks!

  • Comment 7, posted at 02.03.09 14:40:35 by robdylan Reply
    Competition Winner Administrator
    robdylanHead Coach
     
  • @robdylan (Comment 7) : :cool:

  • Comment 8, posted at 02.03.09 14:47:14 by Charlie Reply

    CharlieSuper Rugby player
     
  • Good laugh.

    But I notice no Strompies thought so… :twisted:

  • Comment 9, posted at 02.03.09 18:13:57 by Big Fish Reply
    Administrator
    Big FishAssistant coach
     
  • @Big Fish (Comment 9) : hey dude

  • Comment 10, posted at 02.03.09 18:33:04 by robdylan Reply
    Competition Winner Administrator
    robdylanHead Coach
     
  • “We actually tried to get them into Loftus,” says one PR agent, “but Morgan wasn’t allowed into a suite.”

    Oooooooooooooooooooh!! :razz:

  • Comment 11, posted at 02.03.09 19:48:46 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • To all you mockers, I upped my distance today and did 2.2km in 9:44! Eat that! :mrgreen:

  • Comment 12, posted at 02.03.09 19:49:48 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • @klempie (Comment 12) :

    Not bad at all.

    4:25 / km. Not bad. :cool:

  • Comment 13, posted at 02.03.09 20:08:49 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 13) : What do you do?

  • Comment 14, posted at 02.03.09 20:12:21 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • This weekend’s duathlon saw me run

    13:37 for the 1st 3km (4:32 /km)

    and

    17:27 for the 2nd 3km (5:49 /km)

    A 16km bike ride in between thw two runs.

  • Comment 15, posted at 02.03.09 20:21:23 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 15) : Cool so I’m getting there. :cool:

  • Comment 16, posted at 02.03.09 20:24:32 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • @klempie (Comment 16) :

    Well you’re ahead of me already, but that doesn’t take much. :wink:

  • Comment 17, posted at 02.03.09 20:25:58 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 17) : Nah. That’s only over 2.2 km. You did way more stuff.

  • Comment 18, posted at 02.03.09 20:33:45 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • Okay I’m off to bed. I need all my sleep I can get. :wink:

  • Comment 19, posted at 02.03.09 20:34:17 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @klempie (Comment 18) :

    You are building up though, you gotta start somewhere.

    Your times ain’t going backwards, they are getting better. :cool:

  • Comment 20, posted at 02.03.09 20:35:31 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • Do you use a heartrate monitor BTW?

  • Comment 21, posted at 02.03.09 20:38:21 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 20) : :mrgreen:

  • Comment 22, posted at 02.03.09 20:42:24 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 21) : Nah. Don’t see the point. I just run as hard as I can until I feel a tightening in my chest. That’s my Barlow’s syndrome saying my heart’s had enough. :mrgreen:

  • Comment 23, posted at 02.03.09 20:45:19 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • @klempie (Comment 23) :

    :shock: oh okay.

    I thought I’d send you my heart rate files to browse over. :wink:

    Heart rate monitors are SUPER useful. I used to think I was working hard only to discover I was coasting along.

    Also awesome as motivation when you take the effort exerted for a certain distance in a certain time and compare it to the effort exerted for the time over the same distance a few weeks later and you see your heartbeat during the run is way lower than it was a few weeks before.

  • Comment 24, posted at 02.03.09 20:49:39 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 24) : Yeh. I haven’t got a spare 3k to spend on one unfortunately. :razz:

  • Comment 25, posted at 02.03.09 20:51:47 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     
  • okay Now i AM off to bed.

    Night.

  • Comment 26, posted at 02.03.09 20:51:48 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @klempie (Comment 25) : :smile:

  • Comment 27, posted at 02.03.09 20:52:10 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©Head Coach
     
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 26) : Ciao man.

  • Comment 28, posted at 02.03.09 20:52:44 by klempie Reply

    klempieTeam captain
     

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