In what has been described as ‘sheer torture’, Hollywood heavyweights, Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood were forced to watch yet another Stormers’ game at Newlands. The duo are here shooting ‘the Human Factor’ based on the triumph of the 95 Rugby World Cup.
Freeman who has looked over seventy years’ old for the last thirty years appeared even more aged and frail at the sound of the hooter, yet quietly defiant. “It’s been good training for the role of Madiba,” explains Freeman “because watching one Stormers’ game feels like 26 years in prison.”
Eastwood was less amicable. “I thought we were watching some kind of drunk basketball game, until someone pointed out it was actually rugby. I was shocked. This isn’t what I bought into.”
Captain of the Stormers, Jean-Boy De Villersen defended his teams’ performance. “It’s true that we don’t handle pressure very well as a team, but when the guys found out that two celebrities were watching us, they just went completely to pieces.” De Villiersen was forced to intervene in a half time changeroom squabble. “Ja, some of the guys found out that they were going to be used as movie extras and then some of the other guys got jealous. They started pulling each others’ hair. Calling each other nasty names. Hair gel was flying everywhere. It was bad.”
In what is proving to be more a mis-education about the game of rugby, the Hollywood duo would be better off watching the Bulls in Pretoria, because at least the Bulls can string a few decent phases together. “We actually tried to get them into Loftus,” says one PR agent, “but Morgan wasn’t allowed into a suite.”
Shooting is well underway on the film with Matt Damon yet to join up with the cast in Cape Town. Eastwood is confident that the 5”5 brown-haired Bourne actor can pull of the role of Francois Pienaar. “His agent has sent him a few tapes to study, thankfully no Stormers’ games, and he’s been trying to wear white shorts around his nipples. Other than that and posing with a packet of chips, he’s doing nicely.”
In another news Rijk Neethling is suing Eastwood after apparently being ‘promised’ the role of the iconic blonde flanker.Tweet