Guys, I must apologize. I spent the weekend saving the lives of the critically endangered De Winton’s Golden Mole so was unable to watch too much of the rugby. I think I managed to watch about 60 minutes in total.
To give a review and talk about something you know nothing about is a bit like being a South African politician but they seem to have followers so maybe some of you will even read this? I did promise to write weekly though and to continue making my mom proud here it is, my wrap for week 7 which reads more as a list of excuses I never watched each game And a note to Megatron before I get going, if you want a proper review, there are plenty of rugby sites that focus on boring stats and reviews that I can point you in the direction of. They are probably even written by rugby writers. This is always a bit of fun amidst what is as serious as cancer when I say.. Super 14 rugby. Oh, I am kidding about the mole story, we were organising an Amazing Race for Charity though so at least it was for some kind of good…
Highlanders (39) vs Lions (29)
So the first 20 minutes of rugby I watched was the first 20 minutes of this game. And Lions were leading 17-3 during that point and actually the closest semblance of a rugby team we have seen so far. Then I stopped watching and it all fell horribly apart. Like an Alfa. Why I am the Lions lucky mascot I have no idea, I wish me watching the Sharks would result in them playing well but I can’t say I watched the Sharks’ most impressive display this season so maybe that’s the omen! I believe my mate Earl Rose was back to his usual self of playing as bad as, well, Earl Rose. Israel Daggwood was a dead eye dick as the Highlanders scored the highest score in the history of rugby without scoring a 4-try bonus. 39 points and only 3 tries, against the Lions defence? I am giving them a C for that effort. We also play a prediction type game between mates that unlike the spread prediction on Superbru, requires you to predict the victorious side and whether or not they will get a bonus point. I went Highlanders bonus and thus got 0 for this result. So I am a bit grumpy. From now on, I am not only going to discuss who we think is going to win but whether or not they will score BP’s. Thanks in advance for your help, after the ZERO I got this past weekend, I need it.
Brumbies (30) vs Chiefs (23)
To be honest I don’t even remember when this game was played. All I remember is advice I got from someone on Sharksworld that said, when in doubt predict victory for the home team. I was in doubt and luckily the advice never came from my ex-girlfriend, bless her, because then I never would have listened to it. Luckily I predicted Brumbies to win this one and they did so in the nick of time. According to one source on the interweb, it was 23-all until a Brumbies try game them a narrow victory. Most online posts seemed to be more about the return of Julian Huxley who didn’t quite experience the same Phenomenon as John Travolta, but he did have a brain tumour (no Apple Mac, the word is not spelt tumor but thanks for your recommendation) removed from his, well, brain. Apparently though, his play was a bit of a phenomenon and is already tipped to be the next Prime Minister in Australia. After spending their entire season’s referee bribe money against the Sharks in week 1, the Chiefs seem to be fading away badly as they don’t appear to have the ability to get the ball to Masaga who would be able to run through, over or around the Great Wall of China. Surely an All Black this season? Chiefs do play Highlanders next which should be a fun game to watch and might see more tries than a teenager at Matric Rage. The Brumbies enjoy a week off.
Cheetahs (10) vs Reds (31)
The Reds continue their good form. Even away from Queensland. The Cheetahs continue to be as unpredictable as a Samuel L Jackson movie. One week they’re Pulp Fiction, the next they are Snakes on a Plane. This week they were the latter. I think the time has come for Cheetahs and Sharks fans to swap the frustrated supporter jersey for the winning, proud jersey. With the Jack Russel, fox hunting, gravity-defying Brussow out and now Juan Smith staying behind in Bloem, the Cheetahs are going to struggle on their tour which starts with the Waratahs in Sydney this weekend. The Reds play in Durban and considering I am going to be there to watch the Sharks for the first time this season and will drop small parcels of white powder in the Reds changing room and some post-it notes featuring the words, “Lose or Die”, I think the Sharks fans will be smiling a lot more after a glorious trifecta of victories.
Hurricanes (26) vs Sharks (29)
The Ruan Pienaar show. Imagine how good Ruan would be with a flyhalf outside him? Amazing. Chuck Lambie at 10 and watch the 2 fly! Could be epic. But alas, Ruan had to run this show alone. I watched the first 15 minutes when he was phenomenal and then grabbed a sneak peak at Sportsman’s Warehouse when we were up 16-12 and defending our line like a crazed drug addict. I got home just in time to watch as we were 26-all and Ruan Pienaar stepped up to smash a 50m kick at the right hand upright with the cutest of little draws to seal a victory for the Sharks that broke the hearts of the Hurricanes and sent half of Durban into man-hugging joy. I guess I watched 25 minutes of this game but from what I saw, the debate should be over about who is better between Ruan or Rory or if Ruan should play 10. He looked awesome at 9, and needs to stay there (with Lambie at 10!!!). For some reason he never made it into the team of the week but that’s cool, I would rather he keeps on allowing Shark supporter man-hugs. Sharks play Reds and as we have already discussed, won’t lose that game, if you know what I mean. The Hurricanes’ losing streak will become 5 when they host the Saders.
Waratahs (39) vs Blues (32)
I would have to go back and look at this but I think I might hate the Waratahs. Hold on one second. Yes, confirmed, I do. I know I have already admitted to the predict-a-home-team rule but the way the Blues played against the Brumbies and the way the Tahs played against the Forceless had all of my personalities in unanimous agreement that Blues would win this away. Dammit. I guess the Tahs are also a bit Samuel L Jackson unpredictable. Actually hold on. They are actually just damn lucky. We all know Paul Marks handed them a victory already. And now, with 3 minutes to go before the Amazing Race started I walked past the screen and at 32-all, the Blues were about to score their bonus point victory. An intercept try gave the damn Tahs a victory that I have no idea if they deserved or not. Guys, at this point in my wrap, I must again apologise (“apologize” if you are Apple or Todd Clever – mispronounced Cleaver like Beaver) for letting the side down. I hate the fact that I know so little about what happened in 480 minutes of rugby this past weekend. I promise to spend my entire Easter weekend watching all 8 hours and all the highlights and making sure I have something other than apologies to talk about next Monday.
Western Forceless (15) vs Bulls (28)
There are 2 great mysteries in my life. The first is why my beloved iPhone auto-corrects “me” to “mr” when you type it. The second is how the hell Morne Steyn missed so many kicks in this game? If my memory serves my correct, he missed 4. This game shouldn’t have really been a contest had Morne kicked his normal 12 out of 9. Come Steyn. Up your game. Spies was masterful in this as was Steyn’s open play. (It already appears that the team of the Super 14 so far features at least numbers 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 15 from South Africa. Bring on the Tri-Nations.) The Force’s defence is apparently where they spend all their training time and against the ridiculous Stormers defence this weekend, I firmly predict a 0-0 draw. The Bulls have their toughest game of the season when they play the Blues, considering they are all such mommy’s boys and get extremely homesick you can reduce their ability by 20% while overseas. After Paul Marks continues to ruin rugby games, even from the touch line, the Blues might be the ones acting like Bulls in front of a waving red flag this weekend. A very, very interesting game to watch this weekend! I think I might be going Blues.
So. That’s the end of my most pathetic wrap I have ever attempted whereby you should now know absolutely nothing more than you did 5 minutes ago. I promise to be more like the Sharks next week and less like the Lions.
My useless, count-for-nothing end of season predictions: