A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?

Blonde: No, it’s working fine.

Operator: Then what’s the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why !

The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :

Psycho-

the-

rapist.

It is the same for Ferrari, you can have any colour Ferrari as long as it is RED.

Hahahaha, thanks mate, needed that!!

Here are a couple I was sent recently…

Rules of Men
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save it’s master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who’s running late is 5 minutes.
Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes.
For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a Mates fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man (in fact, even remembering your Mate’s birthday is strictly optional).

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach….and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.

Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem—you didn’t see nothin’.

Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.

You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
________________________________________________________________________
A South African was sitting with an Australian and a Kiwi in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer watching a game of rugby, when all of a sudden, Saudi police entered and arrested them.
They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheik decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”
So the Kiwi guy thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Australian, watching the scene, said: “Please fix two pillows on my back”. But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
Before the South African could say something, the Sheik turned to him and said: “As you are from a beautiful country, and your rugby and cricket teams are terrific, and your women beautiful you can have two wishes!”.
“Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness”, The South African replies. “My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes.”
“If you so desire”, the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face, “and your second wish?”
“Tie the Aussie to my back.”
________________________________________________________________________
A south African “Boer” Rugby Supporter walks into the local bar to watch a game, and to his surprise, he sees a little Japanese man sitting on the chair he always occupies when he watches rugby.
“You is sitting op my stoel” he shouts. In a split second the Jap is up and Knocks the Supporter out.
After a few minutes the supporter regains consciousness and asks. “What was that ?” “Zat, martial art from my country, Japan” replies the Japanese guy as he walks out.
The next week the rugby supporter returns to watch another game and sees the same guy sitting in “his” chair.
Enranged he shouts: “You is alweer sitting op my stoel”.
Before anyone can blink, the Japanese bloke is up and again knocks him out.
As he wakes up he again asks “What was that ?”
“Zat, karate from my country, Japan” replies our junior ninja.
The following week for the finals the rugby supporter comes prepared and, true to form, the Japanese guy is occupying the same chair as before.
“So, you is sitting so wragtig alweer op my stoel, VAT SO,” says the supporter and knocks the Jap out with one punishing blow.
When he regains consciousness the little Jap asks: “What was that ?”
“That my china, was an Isuzu 2.8 litre turbo diesel bakkie wheelspanner also from your country, Japan !”
________________________________________________________________________
An irritated wife had complained for weeks that her husband was spending all of his free time in a bar watching rugby,so he finally took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know.” She thought for a long moment.
“Oh, just the same as you, I guess.” So the husband ordered them each a shot of Jack Daniel’s, tossing his back in one gulp.
His wife watched this, then took a small sip from her own shotglass, immediately spitting it back out. “Ick! That’s terrible! I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”
“Well, there you go,” the husband cried. “And you’ve been thinking I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

Have an awesome weekend all!
Sharks by 8, even with that dodgy looking line-up, lets hope that Plum was playing games and a couple changes are made before kick-off…

There is a thread up for your jokes!! Keep posting!

Very mobile pack looking to make the Cheetahs fatties chase leather all day.