More eagerly awaited than any of the Twilight sequels! More critically acclaimed that a Darren Aronofsky film!! More full of bull than a Verimark advert!!!! Here’s…
Part 2 – The Backs:
Every orchestra requires a director, someone to dictate pace, intensity and direction, which is more or less what one expects from your halfbacks (this season’s evidence notwithstanding, it must be said).
Scrumhalf: What is it with scrumhalves and their attitudes; is it bravery, stupidity, confidence, blind faith in the support of their team mates, or just a complete absence of any form of self-preservation instinct? Somehow these guys seem only truly happy when they’re tugging on the jersey of some hulking behemoth that outweighs them by 40 – 50kg’s. Makes you wonder if maybe some of the Spartans actually survived the battle of Thermopylae, and eventually gave rise to a race of no. 9’s. With that in mind, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that my nomination then goes to Megatron, a man who, salmon-like, swims fearlessly up the stream of consensus opinion.
Flyhalf: The master tactician who shapes your attack and clears the line on defence; the Hannibal of Carthage of the team, as it were (I’ve already nailed my flag to the historical pole with the whole scrumhalf/Sparta analogy, so you’ll just have to grit your teeth and bear it as see this one through). And of course, who better than the walking wikipedia of rugby, the man who predicted the strategy required to win the Currie Cup, he who types encyclopaedic articles, Morné?
If the halfbacks shape the attack, then this is where it is given impetus. This is where opposition defensive lines are breached, and space created for the speed merchants on the outside (again, let’s disregard this season for fear of it detracting from the general truth of the statement).
Inside centre: If there’s one thing this season has shown, it’s that your no. 12 must be a Trojan on defence (that’s the last historical reference, promise). Given his unflinching defence of the Sharks players as individuals (although not of their standard of play, it must be noted) in the face of unrelenting criticism, the no. 12 jumper is awarded to Dancing Bear.
Outside centre: Truly great no. 13’s are fast, strong, good defenders and good communicators. For being quick off the mark (Sample quote, in reference to Venus and Serena:” the Williams bros.” – LMAO), strong in his (rather perplexing) defence of the men from the mountain, and quite outspoken, put yer hands together for McLovin’.
The Back Three:
The last line of defence, but more importantly, the people to round off the attack; the guys to deliver the killer blow, to bayonet the wounded. I think the word I’m looking for is “lethal”.
No. 11: For reasons not yet adequately explained, it seems to me that left wings are generally more often on the receiving end of scoring passes than their mates on the opposing side of the field. Which sort of makes them the glory boys, as they get to look good on behalf of the team. And on Sharksworld, it’s kind of hard to use the words “looking good” and not follow it with the word “Ice”, don’t you think?
No. 14: If right wings want to look as good as their counterparts, they need to be able to create something out of nothing, be able to utilise the smallest gap, and have an unremitting focus on the end point (the tryline). For his laser lake focus on the future, and being able to use the smallest gap to create an opportunity to talk about age group rugby, my right wing is that man Beet.
Fullback: Your secret weapon, able to join the line at unexpected times to create space out wide, or joining the line like a stealth fighter at full speed, catching your opponents unaware. As to which blogger characterises this position, as with last week’s final entry, I’ll leave that one up for debate, as it’s getting late, and I need my beauty sleep (Beauty sleep..?! Now there’s a triumph of optimism over empirical evidence!).
Till next time, see you in the 4th dimension!Tweet