More eagerly awaited than any of the Twilight sequels! More critically acclaimed that a Darren Aronofsky film!! More full of bull than a Verimark advert!!!! Here’s…
Part 2 – The Backs:
The Halfbacks:
Every orchestra requires a director, someone to dictate pace, intensity and direction, which is more or less what one expects from your halfbacks (this season’s evidence notwithstanding, it must be said).
Scrumhalf: What is it with scrumhalves and their attitudes; is it bravery, stupidity, confidence, blind faith in the support of their team mates, or just a complete absence of any form of self-preservation instinct? Somehow these guys seem only truly happy when they’re tugging on the jersey of some hulking behemoth that outweighs them by 40 – 50kg’s. Makes you wonder if maybe some of the Spartans actually survived the battle of Thermopylae, and eventually gave rise to a race of no. 9’s. With that in mind, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that my nomination then goes to Megatron, a man who, salmon-like, swims fearlessly up the stream of consensus opinion.
Flyhalf: The master tactician who shapes your attack and clears the line on defence; the Hannibal of Carthage of the team, as it were (I’ve already nailed my flag to the historical pole with the whole scrumhalf/Sparta analogy, so you’ll just have to grit your teeth and bear it as see this one through). And of course, who better than the walking wikipedia of rugby, the man who predicted the strategy required to win the Currie Cup, he who types encyclopaedic articles, Morné?
The Centres:
If the halfbacks shape the attack, then this is where it is given impetus. This is where opposition defensive lines are breached, and space created for the speed merchants on the outside (again, let’s disregard this season for fear of it detracting from the general truth of the statement).
Inside centre: If there’s one thing this season has shown, it’s that your no. 12 must be a Trojan on defence (that’s the last historical reference, promise). Given his unflinching defence of the Sharks players as individuals (although not of their standard of play, it must be noted) in the face of unrelenting criticism, the no. 12 jumper is awarded to Dancing Bear.
Outside centre: Truly great no. 13’s are fast, strong, good defenders and good communicators. For being quick off the mark (Sample quote, in reference to Venus and Serena:” the Williams bros.” – LMAO), strong in his (rather perplexing) defence of the men from the mountain, and quite outspoken, put yer hands together for McLovin’.
The Back Three:
The last line of defence, but more importantly, the people to round off the attack; the guys to deliver the killer blow, to bayonet the wounded. I think the word I’m looking for is “lethal”.
No. 11: For reasons not yet adequately explained, it seems to me that left wings are generally more often on the receiving end of scoring passes than their mates on the opposing side of the field. Which sort of makes them the glory boys, as they get to look good on behalf of the team. And on Sharksworld, it’s kind of hard to use the words “looking good” and not follow it with the word “Ice”, don’t you think?
No. 14: If right wings want to look as good as their counterparts, they need to be able to create something out of nothing, be able to utilise the smallest gap, and have an unremitting focus on the end point (the tryline). For his laser lake focus on the future, and being able to use the smallest gap to create an opportunity to talk about age group rugby, my right wing is that man Beet.
Fullback: Your secret weapon, able to join the line at unexpected times to create space out wide, or joining the line like a stealth fighter at full speed, catching your opponents unaware. As to which blogger characterises this position, as with last week’s final entry, I’ll leave that one up for debate, as it’s getting late, and I need my beauty sleep (Beauty sleep..?! Now there’s a triumph of optimism over empirical evidence!).
Till next time, see you in the 4th dimension!
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Great work CS!
Hehehe Morning CS
Sheeslikit! I made the team!!! TY!TY!
CS do I at least make the bench?
@Sharksmad – The Blog’s Dudette (Comment 4) : you can have Bismarck’s number… 16
Ice, ladies The Sharks ladies’ breakfast has been set for 17 August 2011 – ice I’ve sent u mail
Thank you Rob just the jersey I wanted
. Although it should be no 2 
@Sharksmad – The Blog’s Dudette (Comment 4) : you can be our reserve scrumhalf
@Poisy
i’ll play left back in the change room
@Poisy (Comment 8) : poisy for that you can be the reserve orange peeler
@sharks_lover (Comment 10) : The Bloemfontein changeroom?
nice one again cs…good stuff
Great stuff CS: there is a bit of Hunter S Thompson about you.
@Big Fish (Comment 14) :
Fear and loathing in Debben!!!
@Big Fish (Comment 14) : I was in Aspen when Johnny Depp fired his cremated remains out of a canon, and I think I may have ingested some of the ashes…
But seriously, thanks, that’s a helluva compliment!!
@Big Fish (Comment 14) : And just for the record, I’ve never tried adrenachrome…
@Big Fish (Comment 14) : “We were somewhere near Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs took hold…” My favourite opening line of a book, along with “She exploded into our lives like a fluffy pink hand grenade.”
@Culling Song (Comment 18) : me likes:
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
@rekinek (Comment 19) : Superb! What book is it from?
@Culling Song (Comment 20) : The merry widows guide to getting rich quick, in 12 easy sips.
@Salmonoid (Comment 21) :
@Culling Song (Comment 22) : On a different note. Are you going to be nominating coaching staff as well?
I nominate Culling Song as mental coach!
@Salmonoid:comment 21:
CS its from Jane Austen’s book Prie and prejudice
Prie = Pride
@Sharksmad – The Blog’s Dudette (Comment 25) : Thank you! For that I nominate you skills coach!
@rekinek (Comment 19) : That almost sounds like Pride and Prejudice?
Edit: Beaten like a red-headed step-child by Sharksmad!
CS, you’re definitely my choice for 15. These articles came out of nowhere and surprised us all. Keep on writing!
@Salmonoid (Comment 21) : tried and tested for over 200 years now
@rekinek (Comment 30) :
You’re 200 years old?
Yipee I’m skills coach! Listen up everyone tomorrow an early morning for all training on how to catch a ball 101!
@vanmartin (Comment 28) : That makes me think of a quote I saw the other day: “I just can’t get into the Harry Potter thing, it’s just too unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with friends!?”
@Pokkel (Comment 31) : not me
“The merry widows guide to getting rich quick, in 12 easy sips”.
I think Jane Austen wrote it at the end of XVIIIth century – oops Auntie Google says published in 1813.
@Culling Song (Comment 33) : i also saw it before – do you remember where is it from ?
@Culling Song (Comment 18) : BTW – where are these 2 from?
@rekinek (Comment 36) : Not sure where the ginger kid quote is from; some comedian, I think. The drug quote is from Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson, and the pink grenade from A Brief History Of Tractors In The Ukraine by Marina Lewyscka
@rekinek (Comment 34) :
@Culling Song (Comment 37) : and hear comes auntie google to the rescue
“Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, anonymous”
there was an email doing rounds with couple of those.
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders
Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Sincerely, Google
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely, BP
Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves
in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God
Dear Rubik’s Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind
Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho’s.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can’t. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream… What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and
totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan
Dear Romeo,
My death isn’t the only thing I’ve been faking…
Sincerely, Juliet
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed
Dear Sex Educators,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary
Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast
Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake
Dear Prince Charming,
You’ve got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty
@rekinek (Comment 40) :
this post somewhat exceeded my expectations (in length 
)
@rekinek (Comment 40) : my favourite is about Fox News
@rekinek (Comment 41) : it was worth it
@robdylan (Comment 43) :
Lovely work rekinek! Seen ‘em before, but still canned myself!!!
A few favourites:
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God
Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho’s.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast
@Big Fish (Comment 45) : the Tiger Woods one was my fav
@rekinek (Comment 40) : Love it, particularly the missive to Twilight fans. The merits of Twilight is an issue of vastly differing opinions in Casa Culling Song…
This one made me laugh out loud!!
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
@Culling Song (Comment 47) : I loved the ad for Vampire Diaries on some DSTV channel… “Our vampires don’t sparkle!” (not that Vampire Diaries is any better
)
@Pokkel (Comment 48) : I was expecting to read…
Dear Big Fish
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
@robdylan (Comment 50) :
bwahahahahahaha
ROTFLMFAO
@robdylan (Comment 50) : Isn’t that a little below the belt…?
@Culling Song (Comment 52) : literally
Cool read once again.
Here’s your answer on why left wings score more tries as explained to us by Ian Mac at u/21 rugby training MANY moons ago.
I can’t remember the exact phrases but he made it clear that he prefered attacking when the backs were lined to the left because 95% of us all pass naturally left and therefore attacking to the left had a MUCH higher success ratio when compared to doing it tot the right.
That bit of wisdom along with making sure the flyhalf takes the ball FLAT from the scrumhalf saw us do damn well.
@KSA Shark © (Comment 54) : Which then confirms my opinion that JPP is a much better wing than his try-scoring stats would indicate
Just watched Superbad again last night…..I am very proud to be paired in the centres with McLovin’!!!
