A LONG TIME AGO, IN A STADIUM FAR, FAR AWAY…
It started, like all good rugby matches, with a braai. But for Shark Lionchaser the act of grilling meat over open coals was more than a spot of pre-game socialising, it was a ritual over which he reverently presided, taking fastidious care over the preparation of the food he was about to share with his closest friends.
But this time the surroundings were unnerving. Instead of the wide open spaces of his home in Nabrud, a balmy metropolis on the seemingly endless and inviting depths of the Deep Ocean, Shark found himself surrounded by the asphyxiating concrete jungle that was Egrubby, the business capital of Saffrika. It was a far from condusive compromise to the green fields of Nabrud’s Emperor’s Field stadium, but the sausage roasting slowly on the open coals before him smelt just as appetising, nonetheless.
Away to his left soared the cement ramparts of Rubbish Cooldrink stadium. History reverberated around its precariously tiered heights – this was where Saffrika had beaten the Dangerous Dark Ones all those years before. And was where his team, The Great Whites, today took on their own nemesis – the Tarnished Tabbies.
It had not been a great season for the Whites, he mused as he lovingly turned the sausage now grilling to perfection in its own juices. But the return of his hero Tap Repus from duty with the Saffrika All Stars, together with seven other national heroes, had bolstered the GWs enough to see them grind the Tabbies into the ground in the last round of the Hotgrub Cup, the final of which was to be played out this very day.
The Whites were reigning Hotgrub champions. The Tabbies a rags-to-riches turnaround of a dysfunctional group of boys into a team of hungry warriors intent on ending the Whites’ rule… And in a couple of short hours, the two sides would do battle to prove their supremacy. It was going to be war with an oval-shaped ball. And Repus was going to be pivotal… Shark could feel it in the core of his being. Even though he’d been usurped in his absence by the foreigner, Froth Froggle, a former international superstar from Gaulstone.
Suddenly, the smell of the nearly cooked sausage seemed to fade into insignificance, and the towering blocks of concrete around him seemed to lengthen as a voice began to echo in his ears… “Shark… Let go of your feelings, the power of the Boot surrounds and penetrates you, trust your instincts and the future will be revealed.”
He blacked out then, coming around minutes later surrounded by his concerned companions. Heart pumping, head thumping and sausage now sizzling, Shark turned his head towards Rubbish Cooldrink stadium and whispered “I have to speak to Tap Repus before the game. The outcome depends on it…”
Away in the Great Whites’ locker room deep in the belly of Rubbish Cooldrink stadium, Tap Repus took a deep breath and uttered a quiet prayer to Saint Percy, the High Priest of the Order of the Boot and Kicker General for Saffrika. It was Percy who had identified him as a youngster, along with his coach, Odi Tum Seplummtriee, a Wonky who came from the far distant Land of the Long White Fog where it rains for 364 days a year.
Seplummtriee and Percy were convinced that Tap was conceived by Mini de Loreans because the Boot was strong with him, stronger than any other apprentice they had overseen. But Tap was not so sure. The Gaulstonean Froth Froggle wore his flyhalf shirt and Seplummtriee had positioned him at fullback for this match, in spite of his performance in the semi-final when he had stepped into Froggle’s shoes after he was injured in the first half. Why? If he truly had the Power of the Boot and was the most powerful Booter of them all, born of the Boot, by the Boot for the Boot, why was Froggle still at No 10?
This was the question rolling around Tap’s mind when his keen senses picked up the faint but distinctive scent of braaied sausage and a significant disturbance in the Boot as a huge fracas erupted at the door to the locker room…
As Shark Lionchaser forced his way past 14 security guards, three Tabbies reserves and Seplummtriee’s assistant coaches Graaff Bustforth and Huge Head-Forwards time seemed to slow to a standstill. He locked eyes with Tap Repus who moved towards him now and everything froze but the two of them as the Boot held them in a temporeal maelstrom.
“You have the key to winning this match…” The words came from Shark but he did not speak them. They emanated from him, rather, flowing across the Boot to the now calm and serene Repus, who was joined with him in a Boot mind-meet. “Froggle will pull a hammy before the first minute is up and you will carry the mantle of the Boot. You must empty your mind and surrender to the Boot. It will guide you.”
“Who are you?” Repus asked, his mouth not moving as the words reverberated in Shark’s ears. “I am…. Your…. Second cousin twice removed on your mother’s side…” The truth spilled out of Shark without him realising the weight of the words. Repus had never known who his second cousin twice removed on this mother’s side was – it had been kept from him since he was a babe in arms lest the truth of it be used against him by the Dark Masters of the Boot and their evil henchman Daft Mornay Stain. Stain’s apprentice, Beltum Tramcheese, would be kicking for the Tabbies in under an hour…
“NOOOOOO! It can’t BEEEEE… THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DEAD….” wailed Repus as time slowly began to reverse, taking Shark back out of the locker room door as he stretched out a hand to his young but distant cousin… “Listen to the Boot, Tap, it is your ally… I am here for you, always…”
TO BE CONTINUED IN “SHARK WARS EPISODE XV: RETURN OF THE CUP”
And so, a legend is born… Hehehehe!
dammit, girl, you have some skillz!
Lmfao
hahaha you made my night
Very trippy Sharon!
Little bit leery of supporting a bunch of folks who call themselves “The Great Whites” (it always seems to end in tears and recriminations, doesn’t it?), but I’m behind Repus en kie all the way!
Too funny Shaz
I wud have preferred the young fieldwalker to be called Tapd3 tho.
@beet (Comment 5) : Ahhh… You mean 3DPO, Tap’s personal mentor and faithful publicity agent?
@beet (Comment 5) : Ahhh… You mean 3DPO, Tap’s personal mentor and faithful publicity agent? He’s assisted by I812 in player-fan relations at the GWs.
Of course, i812 is rather rotund and chirpy, whereas 3DPO is quick witted and of enormous help to Tap in setting him apart from his counterparts…
@SharonvanWyk (Comment 7) : I wanna watch the complete Star Wars series all over again just coz of this article.
Gaulstone – I have nothing against Freddy or the French but I’m still laughing at this name.
@beet (Comment 9) : Cool. Glad to have so inspired you! There is a reason my son’s name is Luke!
But rubbish cooldrink?
I’ll have you know that in some parts it’s reverently referred to as Mother’s Milk stadium.
@vanmartin (Comment 11) : Hmmm… Jack Daniel’s Stadiun… That has a certain ring to it!
haha took a while 2 get through but awesome reading lol!
@SharonvanWyk (Comment 12) : That should read stadium… I am typing in the dark without my glasses! Hehehe!
@robdylan (Comment 2) : Why thank you boss… A bit of light relief in all of the pre-final gerrymandering that’s going on!
Beltum Tramcheese would be my pick of this cc 10s ,forget jg(who is good
)
Pick of the cc;
Front Rowers;
Adrian Strauss, Pat Cilliers ,Dale Chadwick, Wp Nell, Deon Fourie
Lock/Flanks;
Rhodes ,Deysel
Locks;
Skeate, Kruger, Loberts, Roodt
Flanks;
Keegan Daniel, Josh Strauss, Nick Koster ,Marcel Coetzee, Derick Minie
9s;
Groom ,Vermaark, Hoffman
10;
Jantjies, Goosen ,Michalak
Centers;
Inside; Hollanbach, Bosman
Outside; Eberhson, Sadie
Outside backs;
Mvovo ,Van Rensburg ,Killian ,Engelbrecht ,Viljoen
My cc 22;
1.Pat Cilliers
2.Adrian Strauss
3.Wp Nell
4.Skeate
5.Kruger
6.Minnie
7.Coetzee
8.Strauss
9.Vermaark
10.Jantjies
11.Van Rensburg
12.Hollanbach
13.Ebersohn
14.Mvovo
15.Viljoen
16.Deon Fourie
17.Chadwick
18.Rhodes
19.Deysel
20.Hoffman
21.Bosman
22.Killian
some players may be out of position but most deserved in my oppinion
Excellent read!!
Hotgrub Cup.
Awesome read Sharon, looking forward to the next episode
Sharon, your youthful sex, drugs ‘n rock & roll hijinxs are well known on this site. It appears though that the drugs part at least is still very much in play…
Too funny, with the added bonus of finally showing that Star Wars does actually have a point…
@Culling Song (Comment 19) :
Thoroughly enjoyed it Shazzie! Jou mal vrou!
Nicely written Shazzie!!
Now wake up and get back to reality!
Brilliant, brilliant brilliant! nice one Shazzie-poo
@Megatron (Comment 22) : hehehehehe….you just LOVE sucking up to ‘ol Shazzie don’t you?
Brilliant. Bring on “The Return of the Cup”
@Megatron (Comment 22) : Thanks baby! LOOONNNGGGG time no speak. Howzit?
@Culling Song (Comment 19) : Cheers CS… only I promise I wasn’t on anything when I penned it, other than an overdose of droewors and chips…
@Pokkel (Comment 23) : jealousy make you nasty
eat my dirt, pilgrim
@SharonvanWyk (Comment 25) : i’m fantastic my love. indeed it has been a while, were you in the Land of the Long Fog?
@Megatron (Comment 27) :
@SharonvanWyk (Comment 26) : The midichlorians are strong in you!
@Megatron (Comment 28) : Sadly not… Managed to grab two weeks in Zambia on the Zambezi tho… In between rugbying and all…
@Culling Song (Comment 30) : I am indeed a Jedi master. I just need a young padawan to call my own!
@SharonvanWyk (Comment 32) : OK, you’ve lost me there… my knowledge of Star Wars is limited to force, Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader and (owing to some wikipedia trawling) midichlorians. A padawan could be a Spanish pastry for all I know…
@Culling Song (Comment 33) : Or, if the Afrikaans vernacular grabs your fancy, something to do with a frog…?
@SharonvanWyk (Comment 31) : nice dear, glad to have you back.
I want to say many things, suffice to say I LIKE!!
Nah, say more. You are clever, you know your rugby, based on your avatar if it is you, you are VP ( very pretty ) if somewhat ‘bedonnerd’
, and then you can produce a gem like this. You go girl! Oh, you even have a great sense of humour 
@Silver Fox (Comment 36) : Thanks very much, SF. I am exceptionally flattered!
@Silver Fox (Comment 36) : Check out the meet the blogger category for more about Sharon.
@KSA Shark © (Comment 38) : Okay so I sold her short by a couple of country miles
, yet, @SharonvanWyk (Comment 37) : the lady was extremely polite about it! 
@Silver Fox (Comment 39) : Politeness aside, I am still flattered! the VP part made my day! Old gals like me are suckers for compliments!