The Great Couch Shark

The ninja’s guide to watching the Sharks on Friday morning…

Written by Nick Gordon (The Great Couch Shark)

Posted in :Original Content, Sharks, Super 14 on 25 Feb 2010 at 10:15

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they face the monumental challenge of pretending to do work on a Friday morning while watching their beloved Sharks.

Let’s get one thing straight: a bad Sharks game beats a good day at work, and day. But you know how it is, you’ve got your job to do and parking off in the work canteen for two hours watching the game on TV kinda looks bad. Your office phone rings off the hook, the emails pile up and pretty soon some anal retentive is wondering why you’re not at your desk. To add to your woes, it’s a sure bet in life that your immediate boss has absolutely no interest in sport, let alone rugby or the Sharks. And they’re just waiting for that chance to k*k you out.

Note, if you own your own business, or there’s absolutely no problem whatsoever with you taking two hours off to watch the game, be grateful. For the rest of us, here’s my guide to getting the most out of your Friday game.

The Pharmacy Visit

This is a tried and trusted gem, but it’ll only really enable you to watch the first half, and maybe a bit of the second. You call in and announce to the receptionist that you’re off to the pharmacy to get some meds because you’re feeling a little iffy. Because the pharmacy only opens at 9, no-one can really argue with your logic for being at least 45 minutes late. So sit back at home and enjoy the first half and time your drive to work during half time. If you actually are sick, bonus! Watch the whole game from home, you lucky guy.

Walking around with a piece of paper in your hand

The key to watching the game at work is to always look like you’re on your way to somewhere else. The best piece of advice I’ve ever heard comes from David Brent of The Office. He suggests always having a piece of official-looking paper in your hand. That way it’s obvious to any onlooker that you’re sorting something or the other out and that you’re merely parking off for a few seconds to check the score. Genius, isn’t it?

Breakfast Cereal and Coffee

Morning games are really handy because you can make yourself some cereal at work and enjoy it with a cup of that awful work coffee while watching the game. Take your time, only the most malevolent boss will tell you to hurry up and eat your cornflakes. This tactic works really well in conjunction with the ‘piece of paper’ trick (see above). Besides you can always go back for more tea and coffee, although I would set a limit on the number of cups of coffee otherwise you’ll be a gibbering wreck by the end of the game and totally useless for the rest of the day.

Ciggie in the mouth

For the smokers out there, a short and sweet method is to stand watching the game with a cold ciggie behind the ear or in the mouth. When someone walks into the TV area, merely mumble that you got distracted on your way to your smoke break. If the TV’s in the Smoker’s Room, bonus!

You haven’t seen Hobbs, have you?”

Once again, a little trick best used in conjunction with the other methods above. When someone walks in on you in the TV area, ask them: ‘You haven’t seen ‘X’ in accounts have you, man, I’ve been looking all over for that guy.” Once again, it appears as if your presence in front of the TV is but a brief hiatus on your quest to somewhere else.

Brainstorming in the TV room??

This one is outrageous and should only be attempted by the most gifted of poker players. You act like you need your own quiet space, away from the maelstrom of your office, to think a little. With a blank pad of paper and a pen, look feverishly busy like you’re trying crack the biggest idea since Budweiser’s ‘Whazzup’ campaign. You might have to turn the volume down for this one, as no-one in their sane mind will believe you can concentrate with Hugh Bladen screaming ‘brrrilliiiannnt’ in your ear all the time.

Back to the desk

Now, at various junctures you might actually have to go back to your desk to create the illusion that you’re actually doing some work. Log on to Sharksworld and keep refreshing those live updates. A healthy combination of internet and TV time will give you the best possible viewing experience without arousing the suspicions of the megalomaniacs in the corner office. Pat yourself on the back, ninja, you’ve beaten the system. Work 0, Sharks 1.


  • Don’t blame me though, if you get k*kked on at work 🙂

  • Comment 1, posted at 25.02.10 10:17:20 by CapeShark Reply
    The Great Couch Shark
  • Work 0, Sharks 1, Crusaders 52 🙁

    You’re a comic genius, CapeShark 🙂 Well done, sir!

  • Comment 2, posted at 25.02.10 10:19:58 by robdylan Reply
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  • Luckily I sit in the corner and no one can sneak up on me from behind. 😆

    I must just have some “official document” in front of me and one of the programs we use running in the back ground for easy access… Aahhh the tricks of the trade

  • Comment 3, posted at 25.02.10 10:30:03 by Farlington Reply

  • LOL

    thank Heavens i am da big boss!!!

  • Comment 4, posted at 25.02.10 10:31:03 by grant10 Reply

  • oh gee i wonder if my mr hubby that is working in the morning this week if he’ll moan if his house executive takes a quick rest to watch her game and if does who really care a shit sorry guys feel sorry for yous that have to work or even have to try some of those things to watch the game i bet there are some boses who have read this post just hope you have a great boss that all. But if i was really working that is about great ideas to watch the game go for it and if you get court blaim it on the guys who told us to play that early on a friday aahhh 🙂

  • Comment 5, posted at 25.02.10 10:38:00 by Charmaine Reply

  • Think I used to log onto to ”” back in the days when I wasn`t the boss 😆

    Note . . . don`t answer the phone while shouting : KANKOW YOU BEAUTY!

  • Comment 6, posted at 25.02.10 10:38:06 by Original Pierre Reply
    Original Pierre
  • :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

  • Comment 7, posted at 25.02.10 10:38:48 by Jarson's (X + V) Reply
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  • @grant10 (Comment 4) : gee grant if your da big boss give the sharks on your staff off for the game now would that not be team spirit and then the staff will love you to bits 🙂 😉

  • Comment 8, posted at 25.02.10 10:39:42 by Charmaine Reply

  • @Farlington (Comment 3) : Yeah snap….. I also pretend to be grumpy…so people leave me alone. 😛

  • Comment 9, posted at 25.02.10 10:44:11 by Just a Fan Reply

    Just a Fan
  • @grant10 (Comment 4) : Why don`t you organise a ” team building” get together where you can all watch the game and let the Bulls supporters man the office on friday morning. Ought to teach them a lesson hehehe

  • Comment 10, posted at 25.02.10 10:45:41 by Original Pierre Reply
    Original Pierre
  • @grant10 (Comment 4) : You shouldn’t be reading this then… will know what “they” are upto….

  • Comment 11, posted at 25.02.10 10:47:15 by Just a Fan Reply

    Just a Fan
  • That’s classic, CapeShark!

    I can just imagine a few frustrated Sharkies taking your Ninja advice to heart and going the whole hog – sluiping around the tv room, piece of paper in one hand, cornflakes in the other, cigarette in the mouth, muttering under their breaths that they’re looking for someone, eyes squint from sneaking peaks at the screen.

    Sounds like an episode of Columbo 😀

  • Comment 12, posted at 25.02.10 10:55:12 by rhineshark Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Spirit of Rugby
  • @grant10 (Comment 4) : Employ me and I’ll even watch some Bulls games with you 😛

  • Comment 13, posted at 25.02.10 10:55:13 by Jarson's (X + V) Reply
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  • @Just a Fan (Comment 11) : my point 🙂

  • Comment 14, posted at 25.02.10 10:56:18 by Charmaine Reply

  • @Jarson’s (X + V) (Comment 13) : gee employ me too i’ll even shout for the bulls 🙂 😉

  • Comment 15, posted at 25.02.10 11:17:02 by Charmaine Reply

  • Last year was easy… we did not play one game on a Friday so no need to 007 your way through the day. I think tomorrow will also be the only friday game, so it’s not all that bad.

  • Comment 16, posted at 25.02.10 11:17:45 by Farlington Reply

  • @Farlington (Comment 16) : Good, because those ninja tactics won’t save your ass forever… 🙂

  • Comment 17, posted at 25.02.10 11:24:14 by CapeShark Reply
    The Great Couch Shark
  • @rhineshark (Comment 12) : oh rineshark you just made me laugh the way you tell its seem like that film steve made aunty stinnie on the stoep can’t remember what that movies name is 🙂

  • Comment 18, posted at 25.02.10 11:25:00 by Charmaine Reply

  • @Charmaine (Comment 5) : Charmaine, I make sure I work myself silly throughout the week, so I can take Fridays of during the Super14…usually it works…or I leave the ironing until Friday and do it infront of the tv. 🙂

  • Comment 19, posted at 25.02.10 11:25:57 by Nita Reply

  • @Nita (Comment 19) : got a point but i hate ironing so leave that for my lady that works for me and then just watch all the games only joking i’m like that 2 get the house cleaned the night before then i’ve got enough time to be on sharksworld and on saturday well hubby must just keep to his mouth because i’m not a quite supporter i’m a big mouth and the the people around me must also just keep quite that my time with my team 🙂 😉

  • Comment 20, posted at 25.02.10 11:35:57 by Charmaine Reply

  • @Charmaine (Comment 20) : I’m a big mouth as well. Actually I was clapping my hands so hard this past weekend, that I’ve still got a sore path underneath my thumb…but it’s all in the name of RUGBY 🙂

  • Comment 21, posted at 25.02.10 11:40:33 by Nita Reply

  • @Nita (Comment 21) : oh yes nita the path of the game one day i screemed so hard i lost my voice but we won the world cup and then the sharks won a game also and had no voice 😉

  • Comment 22, posted at 25.02.10 11:44:23 by Charmaine Reply

  • @Nita (Comment 21) : to think of it my hubby thinks i’ve got something loose in my head because the sharks try its like the zulu’s in durban on a sunday afternoon when i was very young still inschool days aaash that was very good days then 🙂

  • Comment 23, posted at 25.02.10 11:46:31 by Charmaine Reply

  • how’s this? Even though I work from home, I can’t watch tomorrow cos it’s my wife’s birthday

  • Comment 24, posted at 25.02.10 11:46:42 by robdylan Reply
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  • @robdylan (Comment 24) : oh shit buy her a nice and expensive present make her a lovely supper the night before that tonight and drink to her birthday and then watch the game then tell you will make it up with her later just might work :mrgreen:

  • Comment 25, posted at 25.02.10 11:51:54 by Charmaine Reply

  • @robdylan (Comment 24) : Oooohh… yeah better miss this one rob.

  • Comment 26, posted at 25.02.10 12:01:28 by Farlington Reply

  • @robdylan (Comment 24) : priorities dude… it’s gonna have to be the sharks 😉

  • Comment 27, posted at 25.02.10 12:12:55 by CapeShark Reply
    The Great Couch Shark
  • @CapeShark (Comment 27) : thats what i say just have do a bit of sucking up thats all 😉

  • Comment 28, posted at 25.02.10 12:18:19 by Charmaine Reply

  • @robdylan (Comment 24) : Rob your wife whats her name and what team does she support 🙂

  • Comment 29, posted at 25.02.10 12:19:05 by Charmaine Reply

  • GO SHARKS !!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

  • Comment 30, posted at 25.02.10 12:20:48 by Charlie Reply

  • hahaha. Good one Cape Shark.

  • Comment 31, posted at 25.02.10 12:26:37 by Puma Reply

  • @robdylan (Comment 24) : The game is on in the morning Rob 🙄 Take her out in the evening 😉

    I work from home too. Get the best of both world.. 😎

  • Comment 32, posted at 25.02.10 12:28:19 by Puma Reply

  • @Puma (Comment 32) : never thought of that one puma 🙂

  • Comment 33, posted at 25.02.10 12:34:30 by Charmaine Reply

  • okay i’m calling it a day c you all tomorrow and to end my comments still say
    Yes Yes when we get a try and with the zulu dance to go with it cheers for now 🙂 😉

  • Comment 34, posted at 25.02.10 12:36:45 by Charmaine Reply

  • it’s early morning here. That’s when we do the present opening. It’s bad enough I have to go out and see a customer in Windsor in the afternoon

  • Comment 35, posted at 25.02.10 12:51:58 by robdylan Reply
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  • @Charmaine (Comment 33) : 😉

    @robdylan (Comment 35) : Rob you two hours behind us. Give her breakfast in bed and open the presents pronto. Let her sleep in and go and watch the game man..hehe.

    Tell what this will be the time we win 😉 You going to miss out 😛

  • Comment 36, posted at 25.02.10 13:11:41 by Puma Reply

  • I don’t live in Windsor 😆

  • Comment 37, posted at 25.02.10 13:31:09 by Hertford Highlander Reply
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    Hertford Highlander
  • Great stuff Cape Shark

    Another one that should work for Sharks supporters is to walk around with prozacs in one hand, an empty glass in the other and intermittently mutter “who moved the water fountain”

  • Comment 38, posted at 25.02.10 15:56:21 by Salmonoid Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Salmonoid the Subtle
  • @Salmonoid (Comment 38) : Will that be before, during or after the game? :mrgreen:

  • Comment 39, posted at 25.02.10 16:00:03 by Farlington Reply

  • @Salmonoid (Comment 38) :
    If you want you can take the prozac at half time, this might make the last minute dramas seem somehow amusing.

  • Comment 40, posted at 25.02.10 16:00:16 by Salmonoid Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Salmonoid the Subtle
  • @Farlington (Comment 39) :
    see 38.

  • Comment 41, posted at 25.02.10 16:01:42 by Salmonoid Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Salmonoid the Subtle
  • @Farlington (Comment 39) : all of the above 😆

  • Comment 42, posted at 25.02.10 16:02:22 by Pokkel Reply
    Friend of SharksworldCompetition Winner Author
  • Bonus for me. Tomorrow is our Sunday.

    Lie in until 9am roll out of bed, make a cup of cofee and settle in in the TV lounge for a cool Rugby game. 😛 😎

  • Comment 43, posted at 25.02.10 17:16:07 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @robdylan (Comment 35) :

    Simple. You give her a BIG TV set with whatever provider is showing the S14 and you test it right after giving it to her. (The TV that is) 😛

  • Comment 44, posted at 25.02.10 17:18:26 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • Okay my FL team is sorted. very little chance of being second for the round as I was last week. A few key players out injured or rested. Not wasting more trades just yet. 😕

  • Comment 45, posted at 25.02.10 18:52:12 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 44) : yup that sounds like my husband’s type of gift 🙄 😉

  • Comment 46, posted at 25.02.10 18:56:27 by KSA Sharkette Reply

    KSA Sharkette
  • @KSA Sharkette (Comment 46) : :mrgreen:

  • Comment 47, posted at 25.02.10 18:58:10 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 43) : could you be on standby to receive emailed score updates for the Sharks XV game? I’ll be in a meeting or on a train 🙁

  • Comment 48, posted at 25.02.10 19:39:56 by robdylan Reply
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  • @robdylan (Comment 48) : Huuuuuuuge Present bought i hope !

  • Comment 49, posted at 25.02.10 19:49:30 by Hertford Highlander Reply
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  • @robdylan (Comment 48) :

    When is the game?

  • Comment 50, posted at 25.02.10 19:51:31 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 50) :

    If it is tomorrow night No worries or even Saturday afternoon evening no problems.

    So in short. No problems. 🙂

  • Comment 51, posted at 25.02.10 19:52:19 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • Okay i am FINALLY gonna sit down and watch Hangover.

  • Comment 52, posted at 25.02.10 19:53:30 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 52) : :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    Great Movie. 😆

  • Comment 53, posted at 25.02.10 21:35:12 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 52) : good, huh? I loved it.
    @KSA Shark © (Comment 51) : updates will come from Baldrick… if you wouldn’t mind doing a match thread and then emailing him just to remind him to mail you the scores. He’ll be at the stadium

  • Comment 54, posted at 26.02.10 00:13:18 by robdylan Reply
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  • @Hertford Highlander (Comment 49) : oh yes 🙂

  • Comment 55, posted at 26.02.10 00:16:29 by robdylan Reply
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  • @Puma (Comment 36) : morning yes i agree Rob got a problem he going to miss our first win 😛 🙂 😉

  • Comment 56, posted at 26.02.10 06:19:27 by Charmaine Reply

  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 44) : oh yes i think she will like that one 😉

  • Comment 57, posted at 26.02.10 06:22:19 by Charmaine Reply

  • @robdylan (Comment 54) :

    Will do.

  • Comment 58, posted at 26.02.10 06:40:04 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday dear Rob`s wiiiiife,
    Happy birthday to you!

    Rob, enjoy the rugby 😆

  • Comment 59, posted at 26.02.10 08:15:29 by rhineshark Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Spirit of Rugby
  • Please guys, you have to start putting pressure on Idiot Strauli, you are on the road to destruction. Hel I am not a Sharks, but this is painful. Your centers are shocking. You had a chance to get a man like Walter Venter , but Strauli was the one that did not want him

  • Comment 60, posted at 26.02.10 10:36:27 by FISH Reply

  • @FISH (Comment 60) :

    Are trying to slate Streauli or push Venter? 😛

  • Comment 61, posted at 26.02.10 10:52:19 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • Bad luck Sharks 🙁 No excuse we were terrible. Need to re-build with the youngsters now. Our backline just not up to it. Our scrums were worse without John.

    Goode was useless. Why we bought him for this season was stupid. Play one of our youngsterst there. Rory was good with the kicks at goal but think Ruan must move back to scrummie. Stop this playing Adi out of postion. Must go back to 13.

    Just not looking good for Sharks, nothing to lose now try out different combos. Play some of the younsters. Lambie, Mvovo. Try out Deysel at 6 Alberst 7 and Kanko at 8. Move John back to Hooker. Maybe try and fly Ludik over for the tour too.

  • Comment 62, posted at 26.02.10 11:01:52 by Puma Reply

  • @Puma (Comment 62) : I have moved up to where now with my two stars 😀 Just noticed.

  • Comment 63, posted at 26.02.10 11:03:39 by Puma Reply

  • @FISH (Comment 60) : Not sure how we kept with Straueli after the mess he made with the WC 2003. He needs the boot so does Van Zyl. Something not happening up there.

    Look Stormers were not good last year. They done something about it. Bought two brilliant players in Habs and JF. We actually had JF knocking on our door only to send him away. How stupid was that? Now look we have Adi and Waylon as our centres and Waylon is just not up to it. Adi will play better if moved back to 13 but needs a good inside centre next to him. Damn man, JdV wants to come home get there fast who ever has the bloody cheque book. Even better GO AND BUY FRANSIE OUT OF HIS CONTRACT. He has made a huge, huge gap now that he has left. Those that booed him hope you feel really stupid now. We must have the weakest back line in the whole S14. No blitz there at all. Never looked like we had any gameplan either. Not good enough with the kinda players that are still there but bring in the youngsters now. Time for change.

    Just please we need John back at hooker.

  • Comment 64, posted at 26.02.10 11:09:26 by Puma Reply

  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 61) : careful you don’t dig too deep 🙂

  • Comment 65, posted at 26.02.10 11:16:58 by robdylan Reply
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  • @Puma (Comment 63) : You are now an u/21 player. 🙂

    0 Points – 0 Stars – Academy recruit
    250 Points – 1 Stars – U/19 player
    1,000 Points – 2 Stars – U/21 player
    5,000 Points – 3 Stars – Vodacom Cup Player
    10,000 Points – 4 Stars – Currie Cup Player
    25,000 Points – 5 Stars – Super 14 Player

    50,000 Points – 1 Big Star – Team Captain
    100,000 Points – 2 Big Stars – Assistant Coach
    250,000 Points – 3 Big Stars – Coach

  • Comment 66, posted at 26.02.10 11:22:24 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @robdylan (Comment 65) : :mrgreen:

  • Comment 67, posted at 26.02.10 11:22:45 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @KSA Shark © (Comment 67) : I take it you know the score, then? 🙂

    Still, Fish is right. Sharks could really do with a player like Venter. Not that any player(s) coming in will fix the current mess, but I do rate him as a top class 12.

  • Comment 68, posted at 26.02.10 11:26:44 by robdylan Reply
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  • Dear Robdylan,

    Are we still going with the ‘feel good vibe’ or are you ready to face reality and accept that the Sharks need a major overhaul i.e. new coaching team?????????

  • Comment 69, posted at 27.02.10 12:46:49 by dawj Reply

  • @dawj (Comment 69) : he he. I think you misunderstand me 🙂 . I have been advocating a change of coach since last year’s Super 14. I just don’t want people making personal attacks on the players

  • Comment 70, posted at 27.02.10 12:49:33 by robdylan Reply
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