Excuse me Sir, is that a carrot sticking out of your bum?

Written by Rob Otto (robdylan)

Posted in :Original Content, Reader Submissions on 9 Dec 2011 at 09:36
Tagged with : , , ,

Rugby is a serious sport, played by serious athletes and supported by a bunch of seriously uptight and emotional hot – headed clowns. Ask me – I know……

Article submitted by Langvingers from

I used to think that the other “Plebs” just didn’t understand and quite frankly didn’t know what they were looking at. I used to hate watching rugby with someone who did not know the game. It used to frustrate me to the point of wanting to set my hair on fire and punching myself in the face, when they’d ask stupid questions at the most inappropriate time. They would get all excited about something that really was not such a big deal and then wonder why I would have a little hysterectomy on the living room floor over an incident that they in all honesty didn’t even notice.

Then, they would have the audacity to tell me to calm the **** down!

How in the name of Sweet Baby James can “They” tell “Me” to calm down when:- 1) They didn’t even see the incident; 2) they have absolutely no concept of the emotional attachment that I have with my rugby team and the history of supporting them; 3) They cannot comprehend the importance of what just happened and 4) It’s rugby FFS!!!

I am no longer allowed to watch rugby at my in laws house because of one little episode that I had way back in 2009. It did happen to involve referee Marius Jonker (who I still have not forgiven to this day) and those savage servants of the devil, who hail from the New South Wales region – the team whose captain has a very big forehead (no more clues). The details are irrelevant, but let’s just say that my mother in law did not appreciate my use of the human anatomy to describe the events that unfolded that ill-fated Friday evening. She also doesn’t seem to believe that her furniture was always damaged in that spot where I was sitting.

There should actually be a law that governs rugby and drinking with severe penalties for anyone caught transgressing the RUTI Act*** especially during Super Rugby when there are like 5 matches in 1 day. By the time the last game is screened at 7pm, I have usually consumed about 200 beers and speaking fluent Swahili. With all that booze inside my belly and unchecked testosterone, I am feeling like the USS Enterprise steaming along the Coral Sea – there is no ways in hell, that I am going to “Calm the **** down.”

I have however grown a bit older, had some kids since then and am therefore a bit more responsible. I am a lot more philosophical about rugby and what happens to it on and off the field and whilst I still have my views and opinions on these matters, I am a lot more diplomatic in expressing these. You could say that I have calmed………. Down…….

I don’t care what anyone says, I know for a fact that Rugby is not just a game, it isn’t a culture either (maybe in Sonny Bill William’s country it is), but in SA it is more like something that underlies and supports our culture, you can kind of compare the rugby sub – culture to a bra strap and it’s not because some team’s supporters are bigger tits than others.

Rugby is the thread that binds but yet is the cloth that differentiates us. It is the saber that we rattle in each other’s faces but is also the regiment whose ranks we fill, shoulder to shoulder we stand, brothers in arms and comrades in rivalry.

Despite all of our differences and utter hatred we might have for our opponent’s team, the great game of Rugby is bigger than all of that. It bonds us together and spins us round in a massive kaleidoscope of noise and heat and fury.

But it is the most beautiful rainbow melting pot to be in, where each of us is an integral ingredient to a flavor that tastes of everything and nothing at the same time. Food is at its best when the textures and depth of the ingredients clash and contrast with each other. Long may the stoves that stoke the fire burn.

I would like to wish everyone at Sharksworld all the best, a merry Christmas and a blessed 2012. Best regards from Wetalkrugby.

***”Rugby Under The Influence” Act 92 of 2011. Promulgated into law in an effort to stop rugby supporters from making fools out of themselves. Beverages such as brandy (a.k.a. karate juice) and Platinum Label Schnapps are completely banned on match Day.


  • :mrgreen: Luverly – most enjoyable read – thanks Langvingers 😛

  • Comment 1, posted at 09.12.11 09:52:13 by diablo Reply
  • Brilliantly written article. Very witty, and quite frankly hilarious, and I can relate to having to deal with people who don’t know the rules 😉

    In other news, Adi Jacobs is apparently in talks with a French club and will not be joining the Stormers.

  • Comment 2, posted at 09.12.11 09:53:56 by StevieS Reply
  • any idea which club?wishing adi all the best .

  • Comment 3, posted at 09.12.11 10:00:30 by bergshark Reply

  • Rob, love your work.

    I ban everybody from speaking during a rugby game. Otherwise I just get pissed off when I have to hear judgement on a player for doing one or two things right.

    Pierre Spies was a hot topic at one time, as was John Smit versus Bismarck du Plessis (me being on Smitties side).

  • Comment 4, posted at 09.12.11 10:05:32 by hendrikp Reply

  • @hendrikp (Comment 4) : just remember, I didn’t write this 🙂

  • Comment 5, posted at 09.12.11 10:09:28 by robdylan Reply
    Competition Winner Administrator
  • 😀
    Nice article Langvingers.

  • Comment 6, posted at 09.12.11 10:09:38 by Salmonoid Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
    Salmonoid the Subtle
  • @bergshark (Comment 3) : Sorry, no idea. Saw it on Sports24. I hope he does well for himself.

    @hendrikp (Comment 4) : Always liked John and we did need him.

  • Comment 7, posted at 09.12.11 10:10:04 by StevieS Reply
  • @bergshark (Comment 3) : I believe it might be Racing Metro

  • Comment 8, posted at 09.12.11 10:13:22 by robdylan Reply
    Competition Winner Administrator
  • @robdylan (Comment 8) : It would make sense if Steyn is coming back to SA. They’d need to shore up their centre stocks.

  • Comment 9, posted at 09.12.11 10:15:28 by StevieS Reply
  • Very Good article.

    Describes me down to a tee.
    I`ve gotten a lot more ” philosophical ” as well. I had to, I`m a sharks supporter! 🙄

  • Comment 10, posted at 09.12.11 10:19:08 by Original Pierre Reply
    Original Pierre
  • Well written and very well timed piece.Thanks a stack langvingers

  • Comment 11, posted at 09.12.11 10:23:05 by Clayton(PJLD) Reply
  • @robdylan: thank you

  • Comment 12, posted at 09.12.11 10:23:45 by bergshark Reply

  • Langvingers..? Were you a fetcher ? 😀

  • Comment 13, posted at 09.12.11 10:24:34 by bergshark Reply

  • I’m not allowed to watch rugby at my girl friends house after a certain referee in the World Cup during a QF match

  • Comment 14, posted at 09.12.11 10:42:55 by Mutley Reply
  • @Mutley (Comment 14) : Like

  • Comment 15, posted at 09.12.11 10:49:27 by Clayton(PJLD) Reply
  • Nice article, Langvingers! 😎

  • Comment 16, posted at 09.12.11 10:50:18 by Pokkel Reply
    Friend of SharksworldCompetition Winner Author
  • I prefer to watch all by myself – if not at a live game ( where I’d find a corner in the back somewhere to watch the game from 😀 )

  • Comment 17, posted at 09.12.11 10:55:20 by bergshark Reply

  • ha ha… I also prefer to have nobody around when I watch… mostly because the live tweeting makes me very antisocial 🙂

  • Comment 18, posted at 09.12.11 12:12:27 by robdylan Reply
    Competition Winner Administrator
  • Merry Christmas to all the bloggers!

  • Comment 19, posted at 09.12.11 12:53:04 by Anneleen Reply

  • @robdylan (Comment 18) : ❗ Been on the receiving end of many an uitkak.

  • Comment 20, posted at 09.12.11 13:45:56 by Clayton(PJLD) Reply
  • @Anneleen (Comment 19) : And a Merry Christmas to you

  • Comment 21, posted at 09.12.11 13:46:17 by Clayton(PJLD) Reply
  • Great piece, love the mix of personal story and facts and then the humor mixed with some seriousness too… Thks langvingers… All the best for the festive season 😉

  • Comment 22, posted at 09.12.11 17:32:27 by Franshark Reply
  • @robdylan (Comment 8) : I am not sure how Adi would be suited as a centre in French rugby when the centres are often used as extra flankers to bash it up the middle or the side of a ruck. Most of the centres in France are 100 plus kg’s.

    Perhaps the Stormers / WeePee’s offer wasn’t enough money for Adi.

  • Comment 23, posted at 09.12.11 18:07:48 by lostfish Reply
    Valued Sharksworld Supporter Competition Winner
  • Good day for SA 7’s, scoring 104 point and conceding non, and beating the Ausies 😛

  • Comment 24, posted at 09.12.11 21:02:27 by Franshark Reply
  • Again like last week playing France in the quarter’s…

  • Comment 25, posted at 09.12.11 21:03:45 by Franshark Reply
  • Richards playing very well, scored a brilliant try against Aus…

  • Comment 26, posted at 09.12.11 21:04:56 by Franshark Reply
  • 45-0 against Kenia

  • Comment 27, posted at 09.12.11 21:07:24 by Franshark Reply
  • Well written!!!!

    My kids always loved watching ME watch rugby. They will sit on the carpet with their backs almost to the TV and often ask if the Sharks are winning. Later they would proclaim that they watched rugby with their dad although they only saw maybe a minute of the whole game 🙂

    I have also stopped watching rugby at my local pub. Or I just go to a pub where nobody knows me.

  • Comment 28, posted at 09.12.11 21:11:22 by JustPlainSHARK Reply

  • SA 33-0 against Canada

  • Comment 29, posted at 09.12.11 21:12:47 by Franshark Reply
  • SA 26-0 against Aus

  • Comment 30, posted at 09.12.11 21:13:23 by Franshark Reply
  • Hysterectomy?!?!?!?!?!?! 😯 I hope you’re a girl? 😛

  • Comment 31, posted at 09.12.11 22:25:58 by KSA Shark © Reply

    KSA Shark ©
  • @Franshark (Comment 24) : hopeing the blitzbokke can keep it up today, will be great watching them win the PE 7’s

  • Comment 32, posted at 10.12.11 09:49:58 by BR Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
  • @BzR: blizbokke in the cup final vs new zealand.

  • Comment 33, posted at 10.12.11 18:16:12 by bergshark Reply

  • Dj forbes scores the first try.unconverted.
    Then branco du preez scores for blitzies.
    Boom prinsloo gets a yellow card for a ruck infringement.
    Kiwis score thru tomasi camasi.
    Boom prinsloo back and blitzies score- branco du preez,s second.
    Then,in the act of going over to score ,2 kiwis tackle the ball loose from boom prinsloo.what shouldve been a blitzies tru results in kiwi 9 scoring .unconverted try.kiwis go into halftime leading 17-12$

  • Comment 34, posted at 10.12.11 19:55:25 by bergshark Reply

  • Hunt score!!! ( Sorry,score was nz 17-14 sa.2 converted branco du preez tries).branco misses conversion.sa19-17nz.

  • Comment 35, posted at 10.12.11 19:57:07 by bergshark Reply

  • Blitzies get a scrum .

  • Comment 36, posted at 10.12.11 19:58:42 by bergshark Reply

  • Cecil afrika scores ..!!!! Conversion is goood..!!!

  • Comment 37, posted at 10.12.11 19:59:35 by bergshark Reply

  • 4 mins on the clock.

  • Comment 38, posted at 10.12.11 20:00:24 by bergshark Reply

  • No…!!!!! Kiwis score:-(

  • Comment 39, posted at 10.12.11 20:01:02 by bergshark Reply

  • Tomasi cama converts.

  • Comment 40, posted at 10.12.11 20:01:42 by bergshark Reply

  • Mark richards on the field.

  • Comment 41, posted at 10.12.11 20:02:09 by bergshark Reply

  • Blitzies must tackle..!! Tackle..!! Kiwi knock-on.

  • Comment 42, posted at 10.12.11 20:03:17 by bergshark Reply

  • Eish,blitzies kick the ball up-field.
    Pen to kiwis for off side by dry.

  • Comment 43, posted at 10.12.11 20:04:11 by bergshark Reply

  • Kiwis score the try and win the final.conversion over.

  • Comment 44, posted at 10.12.11 20:05:55 by bergshark Reply

  • Can’t believe SA threw that away like that

    Why did Richards kick it away? Possession is everything, why?

  • Comment 45, posted at 10.12.11 20:07:13 by LordHope Reply

  • Dunno how we allowed the kiwis a try after the ball was lost by boom prinsloo in the tackle when he was almost over for the blitzies third try??that was the big difference.possible 5,maybe 7 for blitzies,became 7 more points next to kiwis on the scoreboard.

  • Comment 46, posted at 10.12.11 20:09:42 by bergshark Reply

  • that was the most gutted feelingI ever left a stadium with, in the last friken seconds,still can’t believe it. You must have seen the crowds reaction it was like they got news that someone died.but overall welldone to the bokke they played well through the whole weekend.

    Why,why,why richards?

  • Comment 47, posted at 10.12.11 23:10:05 by BR Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld
  • @BR (Comment 47) : hope you enjoyed your time at the stadium, yes that last try was like a kill shot…..

  • Comment 48, posted at 11.12.11 07:17:49 by Franshark Reply
  • @Franshark (Comment 48) : yes ,thank you. They made a great decision to move it to PE it was way better than George. I would definitely go again, and to all who ever thougt of comeing to come but didn’t, I really advise that you come.

  • Comment 49, posted at 11.12.11 08:27:30 by BR Reply
    Friend of Sharksworld

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