The Quirk

The New Cats…

Written by Ryan Quirk (The Quirk)

Posted in :Cheetahs, EP Kings, In the news, Lions, Original Content, Super Rugby on 4 Apr 2012 at 11:47
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A few years ago we were entertained by an unholy rugby marriage of the Lions and Cheetahs.  They were very un-creatively named, The Cats, a name that struck fear into the hearts of mice and small birds everywhere.

SARU has unilaterally decided to announce that the EP Kings WILL play Superugby in 2013, despite all the logistical, contractual, and otherwise complicated complications that may arise from this silly announcement.  This creates an obvious problem.  If the competition is not extended to be a Super 16, that means one of the SA teams has to miss out, or an alternative solution needs to be found.

The Cats may just be that alternative solution, although I think canning one of either the Rebels or the Force would probably be a better one, because lets face it, they’re awful and Aussie rugby just doesn’t have the necessary depth to carry 5 teams in a 6 month long rugby tournament.

The New Cats would need a new name, maybe steal the Thunder Cats from that old cartoon, or maybe go for something like the Tom Cats, or Wild Cats! They could even get creative and move away from the whole feline thing altogether.  They could call themselves, Die Ystervarke! Or The Rhinoceroses, thus also taking on a dire conservation crisis to raise awareness of!  The only other big fiver that hasn’t been used yet is the Buffalo…

So The New Cats, who would be coach?  Well, from an experience perspective John Mitchell seems like the man for the job, which would then necessitate Naka Drotske as his deputy.  I don’t think Naka would like that, especially since his team has been the more successful one in recent seasons and especially after their great 2012 tour where they should have had 3 wins out of 3 away and would have were it not for a bizarre half of scrum penalties against the Brumbies.  So then what?  Would Mitchell then become Drotske’s assistant?  I don’t think he’d like that either…

Captain?  Adriaan Strauss vs Joshua Strauss, the battle of the Strausses… I would say Adriaan is the better bet, purely because he performs at such a high level every game, but then so does Joshua, and he has that amazing beard!

The team should be an interesting one, with two squads merging into one SuperSquad!  No pun intended… With players like Jantjies and Goosen battling it out for the 10 jersey and a possible loose trio of Brussouw, Joshua Strauss and Derrick Minnie, or Ashley Johnson, Warren Whiteley and Michael Rhodes.  What about fullback?  Taute and Danniler? Centre?  Eberhson, Andries Strauss, Hollenbach, Doppies le Grange and the perennially injured Waylon Murray and Lional Mapoe… There would be plenty of front row options with the Cheetahs dominating that area through Two Step Coenie Oosthuisen and WP Nel… I could go on all day.

The question is, would The New Cats be better than either the Lions or the Cheetahs?  The Old Cats weren’t, except under Laurie Mains who managed a few playoff results… I’m not so sure.  I think there may be a mass migration to the Eastern Cape by players on the fringe of The New Cats squad, guys who would get a lot of game time if the Lions and Cheetahs still existed but would battle to crack The New Cats squad.  Pat Cilliers is a good example, as is someone like Michael Bondesio, and perhaps even Butch James, Michael Killian and Phillip van der Walt.

It’s easy to speculate what might happen, and the chances are good that I am way off the mark.  Maybe The New Cats will be fantastic, and win everything… I somehow doubt it though…


  • There is no way in hell the Kings will play in 2013 – I don’t care what SA Rugby has said up and till now.

    If the competition does not expand, there will be no Kings.

  • Comment 1, posted at 04.04.12 11:55:52 by Morné Reply
  • Wont work . Both unions still suffering from the original disaster

  • Comment 2, posted at 04.04.12 11:58:36 by Zibbie Reply
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  • This would be such a bad move. As it is both these unions are struggling to hold on to their players, the lions to a lesser extent. I feel for the Cheetahs! They are doing so well this year. I would just drop the lions for the kings. The Lions have been bottom of the log or there abouts every year. The cheetahs are worthy of their own super rugby team imo

  • Comment 3, posted at 04.04.12 11:59:26 by Ozbok Reply

  • @Morné (Comment 1) : quite right, the Kings are doomed

  • Comment 4, posted at 04.04.12 12:08:18 by Megatron Reply

  • Merge the Lions and Bulls! They’re only 60km’s apart, makes more sense that the 300 (?) odd km’s between Bloem and Jozi 😈

  • Comment 5, posted at 04.04.12 12:15:22 by Culling Song Reply
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    Culling Song
  • WP Nel heading to Edinburgh after this SR season. Won’t see him again.

  • Comment 6, posted at 04.04.12 12:18:18 by hendrikp Reply

  • @Culling Song (Comment 5) :

    NO NO 😛


  • Comment 7, posted at 04.04.12 12:28:15 by Zibbie Reply
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  • @Culling Song (Comment 5) : I reckon with the constant complaining* I’ve heard from Bulls’ fans since Saturday some of them might not mind this as long as there’s a proviso somewhere in the agreement that prevents the new Red Bulls from ever playing in pink again.

    *As an aside – man am I taking secret delight in all of this Bulls’ misery! 🙂

  • Comment 8, posted at 04.04.12 12:30:05 by vanmartin Reply
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  • @vanmartin (Comment 8) :

    So the Bulls fans are also hating the pink then? 😈

  • Comment 9, posted at 04.04.12 12:38:52 by Pokkel Reply
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  • While most people are hoping the Kings will be a no show, the fear is that if it does materialise, they have no recent top flight rugby experience – Currie Cup nor Super 15 and their fitness levels [based on their current playing opponents] dictate they will possibly suffer injuries galore and some serious ones. That worries me. Look at the current super 15 injury list now. The Kings would be extinct before their first season is over! 😯

  • Comment 10, posted at 04.04.12 13:05:23 by Caratacus Reply

  • @Pokkel (Comment 9) : Growing up in Limpopo and living in Centurion my social circle is made up of mainly Bulls’ fans. They’re in a LOT of pain at the moment. Some of them have even started groups on Facebook to protest against the pink.

    Those that aren’t complaining have gone on the defensive with excuses ranging from it’s in (secret?) support of breast cancer to it’s a brilliant marketing scheme (pissing off your key demographic?).

    In other words, it’s been hugely entertaining. 😈

  • Comment 11, posted at 04.04.12 13:12:59 by vanmartin Reply
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  • @Pokkel (Comment 9) : well it gave everyone who watched Pink Eye!

    BB has gone toooo far with the whole “very berry” theme. If they got ol’ Errol Arends, he would have told them that u never overdo it. One piece of “stand-out and the rest must be toned down” Ma nou ja…that’s what you get when a bunch of testosterone get together..

  • Comment 12, posted at 04.04.12 13:34:16 by Ice Reply
    Competition Winner Ice
  • @vanmartin (Comment 11) : @Ice (Comment 12) :

    Well let’s enjoy it while we can. I couldn’t help laughing every time I saw Dean Greyling with his ‘rowwe’ beard in the pink outfit. 😆

  • Comment 13, posted at 04.04.12 13:50:04 by Pokkel Reply
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  • @Pokkel (Comment 13) : Frokkie, broekie, sokkie en tokkie! 😆

  • Comment 14, posted at 04.04.12 13:54:33 by Ice Reply
    Competition Winner Ice
  • @Culling Song (Comment 5) : Agree !!!

    Makes sense from a logistical point of view.

    But would any of the Lion players actually be needed or would they all move to PE ?

    Maybe the new Red Bulls could use Minnie, STrauss and Taute?

  • Comment 15, posted at 04.04.12 14:02:26 by Original Pierre Reply
    Original Pierre
  • The kit @Morné (Comment 1) : @Megatron (Comment 4) : Well then heads must roll at SARU.

  • Comment 16, posted at 04.04.12 14:04:11 by Salmonoid Reply
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    Salmonoid the Subtle
  • That pink kit really looked bad on TV, it was a bit better in the flesh.

  • Comment 17, posted at 04.04.12 14:06:03 by Salmonoid Reply
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  • @Original Pierre (Comment 15) :

    Oi . stop stiring and check your twitter !!!!

  • Comment 18, posted at 04.04.12 14:34:29 by Zibbie Reply
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  • @vanmartin (Comment 8) : Having lived in Pta for 5 years, I can say that although I want the Bulls to be strong for the sake of SA rugby, there’s nothing I take greater pleasure in than a bunch of miserable Bulls fans. This pink jersey is the best of both worlds; the Bulls union is healthy, but the fans are irate :mrgreen:

  • Comment 19, posted at 04.04.12 14:37:44 by Culling Song Reply
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    Culling Song

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